Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?

My favorite TV show is Monty Python and Fawlty Towers so you may notice that I love stuff that will make me laugh. So this is a Train forum so I decided to find some good train jokes. The only joke about trains goes like this...Three men went hunting out in the woods and had not found a single thing all day. Thay all decided to stop and rest while one of them went out at a time. The first one came back with a huge Turkey. One of his friends asked him "how did you gat that?" he said "I followed the tracks and found it". So the 2nd man went out and came back with a big moose. One of his friends asked him "how did you gat that?" he said "I followed the tracks and found it". so the last man went out and came back all brused and cut and one of his freinds asked "how did you get so beat up?" the beat up man said "I followed the tracks and got hit by a train".I hope some one gets that besides me.-NHtrain

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RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, CRSD40, Aug-14-02, 11:15 AM, (1) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, calr, Aug-14-02, 11:22 AM, (2) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, Lone_Gunman_SG, Aug-14-02, 11:38 AM, (3) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, LARKIE, Aug-15-02, 04:05 PM, (4) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, parrotheada1a, Aug-15-02, 07:17 PM, (5) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, railnut, Aug-15-02, 10:02 PM, (6) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, wpfan, Aug-15-02, 10:50 PM, (7) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, TrainTrak5000, Aug-15-02, 11:35 PM, (8) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, ge44tonner, Aug-16-02, 11:28 PM, (9) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, Railbaron, Aug-18-02, 05:23 PM, (10) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, lilman316, Aug-18-02, 07:06 PM, (11) RE: Does any one have good (and clean) Train humer?, andrewpickell, Aug-19-02, 01:09 AM, (12)

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LOL! The only other train jokes I know of are Jay big-chin Leno's idiot Amtrak jokes.

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Kyle Norek, M.P. 76 on the NS Buffalo Line

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I saw one of those "hummers" yesterday driving around town. It wasn't clean, very muddy actually. I thought most people called them "humbee's". Now that is humor!
Cal Rasmussen
Beaverton, ORColumbia Gorge Route (The Dalles Dam 90% done)

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id love one of them....but theyre too rich for my blood.

premium add-ons
(NEW WEBSITE IN PROGRESS!!)

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LAST EDITED ON Aug-15-02 AT 04:06 PM (EDT)

The Lone Ranger comes upon Tonto lying on rail tracks with an ear to the rail.
"How goes it Tonto,What's up?"
"Heap big 'iron horse' pass here Kemo Saby,plenty steam and smoke,twenty coaches too"
"Wow Tonto,you injun's are plenty smart.you can tell all that listn'n to the rail?"
"No Kemo saby,the G'dam thing ran me over"

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Back during the bicentennial in 1976, Railroad magazine published a couple cartoons. The question was raised on how the Revolution would have gone off had our favorite mode of transportation been around.1. Paul Revere to the lantern men at the Old North Church:" Remember, one if by land and two if by sea. If they take the New Haven, don't bother."2. British commander briefing his troops before a mission...: " And in conclusion men, I am not so concerned with blowing up the Hoosac tunnel as I am with getting a jolly drubbing if we get caught by the American railfans! This is supposed to be secret, and their bloody cameras will spoil everything!"3. A Virginia gentleman to the freight agent: Whatever you do, don't send these hams through Pennsylvania. I heard the redcoats are detouring trains where the horseshoe is. It HAS to be some kind of secret code.

Certified B&M nut!

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LAST EDITED ON Aug-15-02 AT 10:03 PM (EDT)


Two drunks were walking along the tracks.
One drunk says to the other," This is the longest set of stairs I've ever had to climb!"
The other drunk says," I don't mind the stairs so much but these low hand railings are killing me!"

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A blond and a brunette were walking through the woods when they found a set of tracks. The blond opined that they were bear tracks, but the brunette was convinced that they were deer tracks. A heated argument followed, bear..deer..bear..deer, they were still arguing about it when the train hit them.

www.sacramentolocomotiveworks.com
Bringing the steam locomotive to the digital era

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A brunette was walking when she saw a blonde on a standing set of railroad tracks, jumping up and down yelling "Forty-one! Forty-one! Forty-one!"So the brunette goes up onto the tracks and after watching the blonde for a minute, starts jumping up and down too, yelling "Forty-one! Forty-one! Forty-one!" All of a sudden, a train came down the tracks and the blonde jumped aside, while the train hit the brunette. After the train passed, the blonde got back on the tracks and started jumping up and down, yelling "Forty-two! Forty-two! Forty-two!"

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Train Jokes from the George Elwood website:You know you're a railfan when...1. You shop for a house by the tracks instead of away from them!
2. When planning your next vacation, you choose your travel route based upon the location of active railroads and railroad museums.
3. When you blow your horn two longs, a short, and a long through every intersection.
4. Speaking of intersections, you call the signals as you go through them.
5. You call zoning to ask if you can use a boxcar for a shed.
6. You wonder why automobiles don't come equipped with couplers.
7. While engaged in intimate relations, you suddenly find yourself mentally debating the relative merits of Shay vs. rod engines.
8. Your wife tells you her water burst, and your first reaction is, "My God, her boiler will be ruined!"
9. When you wire up the fog lamps to flash alternately when you blow the horn
10. When being served dinner, you say, "Easy, easy, that'll do!" as you've gotten enough.
11. When riding with someone who's backing into a parking space, you say, "two cars, one car, that'll do."
12. When you get a shopping cart with a bad wheel, you tag it and set it aside for the shops to repair, or park it in an aisle and put up a blue flag in front of and behind it.
13. You curse the dispatcher when you're held up in traffic.
14. You're test driving a hot V6 and think, "This thing can really move in notch 8."
15. While driving your car, you put your arm on the window sill and wave your hand and blow your horn to all kids standing on the street.
16. Your wife opens her wallet to show the relatives photos of the children while you open your wallet to show them your latest rail photos from last weeks fan trip. by Russ Fox
17. You install a pedal operated bell in your car and ring it while driving across railroad crossings. by Russ Fox
18. You open your refrigerator door only to find it full of film for the next fan trip. by Russ Fox
19. You find yourself looking for old locomotives and color schemes during the obligatory chase scene through the rail yards when you're watching old cop shows and movies on TV. by Jim Devlin
20. The efforts of Hollywood to re-create an earlier era using trains is met with your derisive snort, "They didn't have GP40-2's in 1970! Can't they get it right?" by Jim Devlin
21. You're on Amtrak, you find out that the guy across the isle is a railfan, and your wives look at each other, roll their eyes and sigh. by Christopher Chew
22. You're in your car and you come up to a railroad crossing. The crossing lights are not flashing and no trains are coming, but you slow to a crawl and look up the track both ways in hope of seeing a train. by Bob Burton
23. You are on a rail facility tour and start talking to one of the mechanics on the shop floor only to find out that you know more than he does. Anonymous
24. You rent certain movies at the video store because you know there is a very cool train scene in it. by Melissa Mizell
25. You refuse to cross the tracks until your favorite train has passed by. by Melissa Mizell
26. You barbuque using tie butts, for that special flavor!
27. You tell your wife you are going down to the corner bar to have a few drinks with the guys, however, you go to your favorite train watching spot to take a few photos. by Sam Evans
28. You are on a highway overpass, at 60 mph you suddenly shout," that's the Seaboard down there!", and you can't believe the others in the car didn't recognize it by the color of the ballast. by Chris Evans
29. You tell your wife you would like take a nice ride to look at scenery, her interpretation being,"guess I'll take some magazines to look at while he looks at the scenery in the rail yard." by Chris Evans
30. You can't understand why everyone else doesn't understand what"approach diverging" means. by Chris Evans
31. It would not be to your advantage for the railroad police to come to your house and look around. by Chris Evans
32. You get tired of explaining to people that you are not a fireman because you have a radio. by Chris Evans
33. Your relatives only think of you when they see a train. by Chris Evans
34. When you are out by the tracks with another railfan people ask, "is the train coming?" by Chris Evans
35. You get irritated whenever a train wrecks because nonrailfans "invade" your special train watching spots. by Chris Evans
36. You don't like imitation railfans who wear railroad patches all over their clothing. by Chris Evans
37. The train crews know you by first name. by Chris Evans
38. When you're driving, you make "shooooo" sounds when you step on the brake, and "choooo" sounds when you take your foot off of it, imitating air brakes. (I think cement truck drivers do this too. 8-D) )
39. At your house by the tracks you get some of the crews trained to blow the crossing alert to let you know they are going by, even though there is no crossing there.
40. You date your girlfriend because the view out the front window of her apartment is your favorite railroads mainline.
41. You latter marry this woman knowing that she will understand you and won't mind that house by the tracks.
42. You build your 1 year old a jungle gym / fort in the backyard so they can play on it when you really intend to use it to get a better view of the trains over the back fence.
43. You size said fort large enough so that you and three of your friends have sufficient room to watch the trains.
44. When the lights are activated at the railroad crossing you race to be first in line, so you get an unobstructed view, then at double track crossings wait a little while after they go up in hopes that another train is coming the other way.
45. When you see a nice looking woman (or man, for the few female railfans you say something to your friends like "Look at that carbody!!!"
46. When you pass gas, you say something like, "80 pounds on the rear!"
47. You make engine sounds walking up the stairs, pretending you are on a grade.
48. You are on a date and pass by some tracks and in the process of rattling off everything you know, you realize she doesn't care!
49. You come back from a long distance railfan adventure and the very next day go out and shoot one of your local lines.
50. You are at a grade crossing and you jump out of your car because a train is coming so you can get a shot.

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An Indian goes before a Judge to get his named changed. The Judge asks him what his name is, and the Injun replies, "Heap big Screaming Train Whistle."
"Wow that's along one," The Judge nods, "And what do you want to change it to?""Toots"

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one of my fav's I was gonna put that! I got a good one. You can't tell which way a train's headed by looking at it's tracks!
and one for the rail fan list.
You know your a rail fan when changing your tires involves nothing but buying steel rims,
and you know your a railfan when you go to a mcdonalds just to look at the train pictures of your local and past liveries on the walls, and forget to order!

lilman316
"My balogne has a first name, it's OSCAR! My balogne has a second name, it's MAYER!"

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LAST EDITED ON Aug-19-02 AT 01:11 AM (EDT)

Here some funny cartoons, find more at www.toytrunkrailroad.com
-Andrew

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